Currently (30) Funny Life Quotes on this page. Enjoy!
"Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."
"I’ve learned... that life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."
"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."
"She said she was approaching 40,
and I couldn't help wondering from which direction."
~Bob Hope~ Funny life quotes
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It is already tomorrow in Australia."
"I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad."
"The cost of living's going up, and the chance of livin's going down."
~Flip Wilson~ Funny life quotes
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot."
"Anything you lose automatically doubles in value."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did,
in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car."
~Anonymous~ Funny life quotes
"If your time hasn't come, not even a doctor can kill you."
~M A Perlstein~
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only
interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."
"Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise
should be here during an election campaign."
"Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former."
"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door."
"A person will sometimes devote all his life to the
development of one part of his body; the wishbone."
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met."
"You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred."
"He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."
~Zsa Zsa Gabor~
"He who believes that the past cannot
be changed has not yet written his memoirs."
~Torvald Gahlin~ Funny life quotes
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
~Louis Hector Berlioz~
"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions,
but I don't always agree with them."
"One of the great things about books is
sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."
~George W. Bush~
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
"Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over."
"A word to the wise ain't necessary -
it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
~Bill Cosby~ Funny Life quotes
"Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them."
~P. J. O'Rourke~
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city."
"I always wanted to be somebody,
but now I realize I should have been more specific."