How to Cope with Anger -
Part 2 of Anger Management

Become Aware of Your Anger

Anger management can become your friend; a tremendous personal resource, helping you in many ways.

From a self-perspective, when feeling angry you can learn to become consciously aware of self-limiting thoughts and beliefs which are sabotaging your success.

When on the receiving end of anger, you have the opportunity to learn and develop patience.

Witnessing the anger in others, you see how it destroys relationships and happiness.

This can inspire you to take action and manage your own negative emotions

When is Anger Good?

Being angry is not always a “bad” emotion. There are times when it is not only justified, but necessary. Listed below are a few of these instances:

  • When safety is jeopardized by a threat and there is a “need” to protect yourself or loved ones from harm.
  • Inspiration for you to take action.
  • A preventative measure stopping manipulation by others.

What About "Bad" Anger?

I have learned that nothing in life is good or bad. It is only our perceptions and beliefs which we use as a measuring stick to judge something.

If you choose to go through life thinking anger is a bad emotion, you will forever resist. That which you resist persists.

However, you also have the choice to decide right now to make anger your friend and learn all you can.

You can change!

By applying anger management techniques it is not only possible, but likely you will:

  • Learn to accept your angry feelings as perfectly normal and healthy.
  • Become proficient at safely expressing your feelings without fear of losing control or harming others.
  • Enjoy closer relationships with family, friends and co-workers.
  • Be a good communicator and easily express your needs.
  • Learn to be less judgmental of others and more tolerant.
  • Eliminate the negative physical and emotional side affects.
  • Possess the uninhibited ability to experience all your emotions, especially the joy and happiness you unwittingly suppressed when you began "controlling" your anger.

I am sure the above list is not an all-inclusive. Discover for your self the positive results achievable when applying a good self help anger management program.

#1 Self Help Anger Management Technique

1. Catch your self becoming angry:

This is the first step in successful anger management. If you miss this part, you bypass the opportunity for some amazing self-discovery.  Just like other parts of this workshop, becoming aware of your problem (anger)  makes all the difference!

Be aware of your feelings. Realize someone or something has triggered your emotion, but it is not the cause.

You only have a brief window of opportunity to stop yourself from becoming enraged and discover self-limiting beliefs.

Don't judge or criticize yourself, but do accept the feelings.

2. Breathe and Relax:

Next time you experience any negative emotion, try to be aware of your breathing and I would be willing to bet you are holding your breath.

Take a few deep breaths and go through a mental relaxation, tensing then relaxing each muscle from head to the toe.

Two thoughts cannot occupy the conscious mind at the same time.

Therefore, when your attention is focused on relaxation it is impossible to think about being angry.

3. Accept responsibility:

All emotion, including anger, begins with your thoughts and beliefs.

It is your internal thoughts and beliefs measured against something external which caused these feelings.

Your anger originates from within your own mind. It is not "caused" by an external trigger.

4. Find the root cause of your feelings:

In the medical profession, they call this "cognitive reasoning" which simply means becoming aware of your thoughts which are responsible for creating your emotions.

By drilling down through your thoughts, you can arrive at the originating thought where you began to feel angry.

Ask your self questions, such as:

  • What was the thought or core belief that "triggered" this anger?
  • Is my safety being threatened?
  • Was I feeling angry before this situation?

When you practice drilling down to the root cause by questioning your thoughts and beliefs, you begin to understand why you became angry.

Anger management is very effective when dealing with the true "cause" of your feelings.

5. Ask for help to deal with "the" problem:

Now that you understand why you are feeling angry, it is easier to deal with the real problem - your beliefs.

When you approach someone by stating "I have a problem with..." the other party is not offended and does not become defensive.

You are not attacking them!

It then becomes a friendly discussion of how you perceive something vs. how they view the same topic. This facilitates a mutual discussion of thoughts and beliefs.

Both, given the opportunity, can explain their position calmly and perhaps come to a mutually acceptable conclusion.

6. Release any emotional attachment:

Okay, now you know the cause of your anger and have discussed it calmly; release any negative energy stuck in your mind or body.

There are numerous ways to release, and you can learn about them in Step Three of the free tutorial on my web site.

Often in anger management, the same problem keeps appearing. The brain creates neurode patterns from our thinking. Those neurons that are used the most fire the fastest and easiest.

If you become easily angered, your brain has formed a neuron pattern based on anger. This is a "learned" response.

7. Forgive:

Whether your anger was justified or not, forgive the offending party and your self.

Holding a grudge consumes huge amounts of energy. Through forgiveness you are not absolving anyone of guilt, but rather disposing of emotional garbage which hurts only you.

8. Change your thinking:

You have now successfully handled what could have easily become an emotional charged situation. Now, change the direction of your mind.

When all else fails - laugh!

I keep a repertoire of 4 or 5 humorous thoughts. My favorite is when I catch myself beginning to feel angry, I visualize my daughter smiling and laughing.

I can't help but smile when I see this image. Again, you cannot consciously hold two thoughts at the same time.

So, why not hold a thought of love and happiness?

9. Re-program your subconscious:

I am sure that like my self, you don't particularly want to spend the rest of your life devoted to anger management.

To shorten this time, begin to regularly re-program your subconscious with new thought patterns that support your conscious choices.

To replace any habit with a new one requires 21 to 30 days of continuous practice. Using my self help anger management technique is no different.

Stick with it for a minimum of 30 days and you will be well on your way to a calmer, more accepting self.