How to Forgive and Let Go

A 7 Step Self Help Process to Freedom

Wouldn’t it be great if we could simply say “I forgive you” and be free of emotional pain and suffering continuously experienced by re-living past negative events – regardless of whether these were created by ourselves or others?

Many of us suffer through emotional pain, never taking the time to find out exactly where it comes from or how to stop it from controlling our lives

There must be a conscious effort to free your mind..

A Gallup Poll done on forgiveness found that 80% of Americans felt forgiving was important. However 85% found it difficult to do it on their own. They needed some outside help.

With true, heart-felt forgiveness you eliminate the dysfunctional thought patterns and free yourself from constantly re-experiencing the emotional pain from the past.

According to James Hardt, PhD, author of “The Art of Smart Thinking”, true forgiveness requires high “alpha” brain waves to completely eliminate the emotional charge from the situation.

Ego and Forgiveness:

I would love to be able to say that forgiveness is simple and easy to do. While it is simple, it definitely is not easy.

The ego is a trickster and it wants to control you. When you are feeling good, the ego uses unforgiven memories to cause negative emotions such as anger, rage, resentment or jealousy.

Your efforts to let go and free yourself from emotional pain reduce the ego’s control over you. Therefore, it will continuously distract you and sabotage your freedom with the arsenal of weapons it uses to keep control.

These weapons can appear as tiredness, lack of focus, forgetfulness, fear, doubt, worry, sexual arousal, laziness and a host of other symptoms.

By becoming aware of these ego distractions and accepting them as they appear, you immediately begin to diminish the power they have over you and ultimately the power the ego has been using to control you.

How To Forgive – A 7 Step Process To Freedom

1. There must be the “intention” to let go. Understand that wanting or trying fails in achieving the full release from past pain. You need to be perfectly clear your intention is to:

  • Forgive (yourself or others).
  • Release yourself from emotional pain and suffering.
  • Choose to stop reliving past events which ultimately block your future progress.
2. Once you have made this heart-felt decision, the forgiveness process works best when you step out of your thinking (Beta) brain wave patterns and go into the relaxed Alpha brain waves.

There are various techniques to help you relax into the Alpha. Here are a few you can try. Use the one that works best for you.

  • Breathing techniques
  • Meditative prayer
  • Meditation
TIP: Play classical Baroque music (I recommend Vivaldi) softly in the background. This helps to bring the mind and body into slower, more efficient rhythms. Baroque music synchronizes both hemispheres of the mind and helps relax you into the Alpha brain waves.

3. While in this Alpha state create the feeling of love in your heart. You can do this by bringing to mind someone that fills your heart with love and happiness.

4. Focus on the situation and/or person you choose to be forgiving. Feel the emotion associated with that event.

5. Now look for the “good” that came from this. For example, you were fired from a good paying position. Now you have a better job with higher pay, working with people who respect you.

6. Reframe your thinking about the negative situation or person. The subconscious believes everything and judges nothing. Therefore you can change your negative belief to create a new memory of your choosing.

7. Then forgive and let go. Bring the person or event into your heart with new found feelings of love and happiness. Surround them with light. Understand you can not be responsible for the actions of others – only yourself. You are choosing to be free from the emotional pain.

I find it helps tremendously to visualize some form of disconnect at this point; such as seeing the person fade away to nothing or cutting the invisible umbilical cord that connects you.

Now, you might be thinking that forgiving others is the answer to your prayers. However, there is more work to do and it is vitally important to forgive yourself!

As you become increasingly aware of your non-conscious thoughts, you can learn to catch your self thinking of a past event. This is a signal from the subconscious you are stuck.

Look at the thought. Accept it as yours. Then work backwards through the thought to discover how it is blocking you.

When you hit on the block, you will know instantly. This is where you get to be kinder and gentler with yourself; forgiving and letting it go. Chances are better than good you will never be blocked by that negative thought pattern again.

However, if by chance it appears again, look for a different aspect of the thought which also needs to be released (forgiven).

Through persistent releasing you will find your self thinking less and less about negative events of the past. Now as you focus the mind on what you want in life - your goals and dreams – the negative influence from past experiences is neutralized and you are free to pursue this life uninhibited.

You will need to experiment with different releasing techniques until you discover the one that works for you. Choose from those in Step Three of my free Self Help Tutorial or invent your own.


We all have hidden, unforgiven memories which block our success. These blocks do not have to be created by huge, traumatic events. More often than not, they are the result of something seemingly insignificant or minor.

Understand that we are all children wrapped up in an adult body. What we believe; the way we think, act and feel was mostly programmed into our minds as a child.

Although we have matured and learned how to think and rationalize, we are still driven by these childhood lessons.

You can only be free of the inefficient, negative beliefs stored in the mind and body if you have consciously released any and all previously unforgiven memories.

To me, learning to be forgiving is the most effective releasing anyone can possible employ to clear these subconscious blocks.

The good news is we all have the “freedom to choose.” Now you can choose to hold on to old, negative memories which the ego uses to keep control or you can release and let go.

Forgive and be free!

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